Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
well you can't waste a boner
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
