sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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