I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
