Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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