It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
