Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
