I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
