put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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