I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
