How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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