I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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