One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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