Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
