Your dad touched me again.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
