2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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