We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
