My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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