dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
