Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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