I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
