this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
