he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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