So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
