wat bout pragnant strippers??
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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