If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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