my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
