fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize