running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
