Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
