You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it because I queefed?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize