I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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