You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I currently don't understand fingers.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
