that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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