You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
