Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
