Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
