We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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