I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
