Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize