sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
