70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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