i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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