Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
