The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
