you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
pray to the hookup gods
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
