I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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