she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let's paint friendship bongs
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
