I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
