Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
