Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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