In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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