I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
