And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
