you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
