Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
