Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
