Im at strip club and am horny
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
