So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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