what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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