Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
