Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
