In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just pee around me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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