Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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