why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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