Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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