Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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