can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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