If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
