She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
