end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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