So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
