my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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