I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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