Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
