Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
