your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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