You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
