We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
