A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
