just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
