i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Couch. On fire.
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