i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
