yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize