i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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