were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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