epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
