just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the condom got lost in my hair
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it was like eating out sand paper
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
