$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sponge bath it is.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
