But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
