I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
