You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am available for nakedness
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
