He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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