she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
