oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
