No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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