I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
