after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize