All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
