he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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